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If The Ad Reads . . .
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It Really Means
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Rough condition:
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Too bad to lie about
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Parts car:
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Beyond repair
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Clean:
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Homeless dude at 5th and Main did the windows
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Immaculate:
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Recently washed
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Concours:
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Recently waxed
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Good transportation:
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It's ugly
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Engine quiet:
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Uses 90-weight oil
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Needs minor overhaul:
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Needs engine
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Needs major overhaul:
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Phone the junkyard
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Burns no oil:
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It all leaks out
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Rebuilt engine:
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Cleaned the spark plugs
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Engine blueprinted:
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I don't know what it means either
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Excellent gas mileage:
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It's slow
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Low miles:
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The odometer was turned back
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One owner:
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Can't give it away
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Sure to appreciate:
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That's why I'm selling it
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Drive it away:
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I live on a hill
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Drive it anywhere:
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Within 10 miles
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Desirable classic:
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No one wants it
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Rare classic:
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No one wanted it even when it was new.
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Stored 20 years:
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In a lake
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Ran when stored:
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Won't start
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Never apart:
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Bolts too rounded to loosen
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Solid as a rock:
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Rusted solid
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. . .or best offer:
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I'm guessing here
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Restored, with 0 miles:
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Won't start
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Faster than a 'vette:
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A Chevette
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Restored, with 2 miles:
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Won't stay running
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Older restoration:
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First owner washed it
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Good investment:
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Can't be worth much less
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No time to restore it:
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Can't obtain parts
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90% complete:
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You do the other 90%
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95% complete:
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Other 5% doesn't exist
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One owner:
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Hertz
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Great enthusiasts car:
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I'm looking for a sucker
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Good tires:
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And that's all
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House forces sale:
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Neighbors complaining
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Trades considered:
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I'm desperate
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Other interests conflict:
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Spouse's ultimatum: "Either that
#!!@&## thing goes or I go!"
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